The Haunted House

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Saturday Afternoon Walk Around Elton (With An Alien)

Today the weather has been stunning. Very unusual for April, as it is normally pissing down with rain, but it looks like summer has arrived early. To take advantage of this weather Me and Amanda went on another walk in the country. We didn't leave the house until 2 in the afternoon as Amanda had to go to Derby in the morning, and that took a while with traffic etc, so whilst she was out, I did a bit of house tidying.

We decided to do a walk around Elton which is near Cromford. This is a 5 mile walk from a new book we bought a little while ago. Once we got there and parked the car we set off. The walk started near the village church. Naturally it didn't talk long until we messed up the instructions and went a little wrong, but luckily we didn't stray too much off path.

Once we got our bearings we sat down for lunch. Amanda bought a huge bag of pita breads from Costco this morning, so I made up some of them for lunch. After we had eaten I got out the compass that Neil and Caroline had given us. After I found North, Amanda asked to have a look, so I passed the compass to her. Surprisingly the needle span around and faced the other way. This was odd, surly North doesn't move. I took the compass back and the needle span around again to point to the original direction I found earlier.

There are a few explanations for this, they are:
  1. The compass is faulty.
  2. We were sitting in some strange magnetic vortex.
  3. Amanda is an alien.
I think point 3 is the most likely, she is an alien. My reasoning is thus. A few years ago when we were lying in bed we witnessed a huge, fast flash of light. Amanda initially thought this was an alien space ship, as you do. I thought it was either someone with a huge flash gun or a sudden burst of lightening. Anyway, ever since then Amanda has been different.

When ever we go on holiday, Amanda used to have our bags packed 2 weeks before hand, with clothes split between 2 cases in case one case got lost. She would write multiple lists of things we need to take with us. This doesn't happen anymore. On our last holiday to Greece last year, she started packing 30 minutes before we were supposed to drive to the airport.

So, from this and the strange magnetic phenomenon, I can only surmise that Amanda is an alien android with a nuclear powered heart that is playing around with the compass. My real wife is on a space ship somewhere and they put this robot in her place who is 80% the same as the real Amanda, but acts differently every now and again. Strange eh??!!??

Anyway, we carried on walking for a while until we got to the next town of Birchover, and we went to the Druid Inn for a drink. I had a most excellent pint of Druids Brew. It was a great, light and fruity ale. We tried the compass again. This time no matter who held it, north pointed in the same direction. I still think Amanda is an alien. I think the mother ship detected my suspicion and realigned the dilitium matrix of her reactor heart so it wouldn't disrupt the compass and arouse my suspicions.

From Birchover we carried on the walk for a few miles until we got back to Elton. All in all this was a fairly relaxed walk which was made more difficult as the weather was very hot. Can't complain though, not like we get loads of sunshine in this country.

BTW, I don't really think Amanda is an alien in case some UFO conspiracy nut job reads this post and goes, 'AHA!!! They do exist, I must go to Belper and snare this alien beast'.

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